Since last Tuesday, Eric and I have met with the regional office director for Indiana’s U.S. Senator Mike Braun, as well as sending out letters to all our county commissioners, speaking with our insurance agent, a plumbing consultant, several neighbors, the county surveyor, and our township trustee. It was all about drainage and storm sewer tiles. It may surprise you to know that neither of us are engineers.
The storm sewer access point near the fire station
We turned to the Senator’s office when they announced a meeting at their mobile office in Frankfort. We explained that the storm sewers in and around Burrows need to be maintained – unclogged, repaired, or replaced – but everyone is saying there’s no budget for it. Ironically, on the way back from Frankfort, we observed tiles being replaced along State Rd. 26. Drainage is important in some places – but not, apparently, in Burrows.
We had to approach this basement flooding situation from two angles. First, we have the short term goal of getting hot water back and not losing it in the next rainstorm. For that, we have bought an electric water heater, but it has to go into Eric’s office instead of the basement and first he has to expand the closet there and do plumbing and electric work. Plus, we have to return the one we bought, because it was damaged inside the box.
The second, longer term goal, is to somehow resolve the problem of a flooding basement – and it’s not just about us – our neighbors are also having these same problems. We feel their pain because it is also our own. And maybe, just maybe, it is one more reason why God has put us here, in the little town of Burrows.
I reminded Eric of the situation my grandpa had as a young man, when the (then) rural area in California where he lived was under a threat of being annexed by more than one nearby city for the express purpose of having a city dump. Grandpa led the charge to keep that from happening, and ended up establishing Hawaiian Gardens, California, as its own city. The people voted him in as their first mayor. Though he was admittedly a sinner, and I’ve written of that aspect of his life, his blood still runs through my veins. We need to stand up for our neighbors and get the situation resolved.
In “It’s a Wonderful Life,” Clarence, George Bailey’s guardian angel, looks up and says to his angel trainer, “How am I doing, Joseph? Thanks,” … almost as if someone were really there … almost as if …
Yes, Someone really is there, and He is watching over us, hearing our prayers, and answering them. It is our Heavenly Father who loves us, who is with us, and who is moving among us. The details of our lives are being kept in books that He can refer back to at the end of all time – not as if He could ever forget us, though.
Who am I? I had to answer that question in an eighth grade English class assignment, and then again in twelfth grade Sociology class. Now, I’m closing in on 65 – “retirement age” – and I am revisiting the topic.
In eighth grade, as I’ve written before, the name of the game was to be popular, or at least to not be unpopular. I was determined to fit in, whatever it took – to carefully study the ways of the others and be just like them, wiping out all the last vestiges of my uniqueness to make room for my newly cloned personality. I talked about that in my school paper. My teacher was a little worried about me, but I assured him I would be fine. As it turned out, the next few years were quite rocky.
In twelfth grade, I explained the difference (as taught) between self-esteem and some other “self” word. The way I viewed myself, I wrote, was inversely proportional to the weight on the bathroom scales. Ah yes, if my weight was up, my self-esteem was down. That teacher liked my analogy and gave me a good grade.
And this is relevant today, too. As of last Thursday, August 5, I have been dieting a full year, and I have lost 26 pounds. This has accomplished at least one thing – I have dropped a couple of sizes and I need some new clothes. Do I feel better about myself? It depends on the day. The scale continues to go up and down.
The people of this world have ways of defining themselves. Most people in our neck of the woods are content to define themselves by their occupation – something like “Bricklayer,” “Doctor,” “Teacher,” “Wal-Mart Associate,” “Fast-Food Manager,” or “Personal Injury Attorney.” But what if you were to retire or lose your job? Then are you simply “Undefined”?
I am no longer “Homeschool Mom,” because I have no remaining students. I can still be “Small Business Owner,” and for a while, I wasn’t sure if I was still “Pastor’s Wife,” because we no longer pastor a church, but it looks like I still qualify because Eric now has a designation of “Assistant Pastor” at the Lafayette church. But I know that there are pastor’s wives who are very disoriented when their husband dies. Now what? Not only are they widows, with questionable income sometimes, and that associated loss of identity, but they are positionless. Someone else will be pastor, so they are … what?
What am I worth? I have a Social Security Statement on my desk, with a number in bold at the top that tells me how much I would get per month from Social Security if I wait till full retirement age of 66 years and 4 months. This number is less than 75% of what Eric is getting per month. Am I worth three-fourths of an Eric?
But then just today, I saw a headline for an article about “the financial problem nobody wants to talk about – Social Security insolvency.” How fast we have sunk!
My Social Security Statement does, in fact, explain why my projected monthly income will be so low. It seems I “did not work,” for about 18 years. For that long, my income was zero, so I made no contributions to the Social Security system.
This method of valuation, of course, makes no accounting for what I contributed to the family economy, such as efficient home-cooked meals, canning, sewing clothes, and yard saling. It also doesn’t account for the years I spent solely dedicated to educating eight upstanding citizens. But how could they do that anyway? I did save the government some money that could have gone to the schools if my eight kids had been educated there the full thirteen years. But the homeschooling was pro bono. All they can really account for is whether I had a paycheck, or some kind of Schedule C self-employment income for my trouble.
“Homeschool Mom” is no longer my title nor my definition, but “Mom” is still there, and “Grandma” and “Great Grandma” have become my titles as well.
So who am I, and what am I worth?
I like to think of myself like David did:
“For all His judgments were before me,
And I did not put away His statutes from me.
I was also blameless before Him,
And I kept myself from my iniquity.
Therefore the LORD has recompensed me according to my righteousness,
According to the cleanness of my hands in His sight.”
~Psalm 18:22-24
But it doesn’t really work well for me to think that way. More often, I’m right there with the Apostle Paul: “O wretched man that I am!”
Proverbs 31 says that the value of a Virtuous Woman is far above rubies, and current market value has a little stone selling for about $70,000. Just think how much one that weighs what I do would sell for!
But am I virtuous? I fail over and over and over again. Sometimes I hear from one of our kids that I had ways of doing things as they were growing up that weren’t that great, and I think maybe I was just a bad parent. It’s even worse when I hear that a young friend of my child’s is their closest confidante and counselor, and I begin to feel rejected. A video recently showed a mom dealing fabulously with her grumpy kid – so loving, so understanding, so effective. Why didn’t I think of that? Why am I not patient yet??!
On the other hand, we were reading in Proverbs where King Solomon was explaining to his son that he should pay attention to his teaching, and stay close to God’s Word. But I spoke with a brother in the Lord yesterday about his missing father and his drug-addicted step-father. And I am reminded again that not all of us even have an earthly father who can serve as a good example. So I think Eric and I, as a team, did a lot right, by simply sticking to it, regardless of any mistakes we might have made along the way. The Heavenly Father who is observing us, who is watching over us, and who greatly loves us, wants us to be good examples to our children of what a father is like.
What is the Accuser of Mankind telling me? What is my head telling me? What is my heart telling me? What are the kids telling me? What are my friends telling me? What are Facebook videos telling me? What is my husband telling me? What is the Bible telling me?
I could get opinions from everywhere – even take a Facebook poll! – and average them out. Or maybe I could, like Clarence, simply ask God for His opinion because that’s the one voice that really matters, and ask the question as if He is really there – which He is! “How am I doing, Jesus?”
Who am I? God’s saint, or a sinner saved by grace? What if I were stripped clean of all my fancy titles, from some horrendous traffic accident or tragedy, or multiple tragedies like Job experienced? No longer “Small Business Owner,” or “Mom,“ or “Pastor’s Wife,” or even “Wife,” but maybe “Homeless Veteran,” or “Unemployed” or “Victim.” Could I handle that? Should I define myself like that?
Like Clarence, I am being observed. And like him, I am being evaluated. This is why I am still here. We’re all here until our work on earth is finished. We are not saved by our works, but we are saved for our works. Here’s a good example of that in Titus 3:
“But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior, that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
“This is a faithful saying, and these things I want you to affirm constantly, that those who have believed in God should be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable to men.”
~Titus 3:4-8
When you see these two thoughts back to back, they both make sense – there is nothing we have done to save ourselves – no work of our own could do that. But as Christians we should be still doing good works.
So maybe I cannot define myself any other way than this:
“So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, 'We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.' "
~Jesus, speaking to His disciples (which includes me), in Luke 17, vs. 10
This is who I am. I am simply one of Jesus’ servants.
What am I worth? Jesus bought me with His own life, as a unique treasure – soon to be a part of His heavenly bride!
How can I make myself more valuable to Him? By doing my duty, working on my assignments here on earth, until He takes me home.
Right now, it’s about storm tiles, along with running this business getting people’s Bibles back in shape.
How am I doing? I will know more someday, but in the meantime, I will let the Spirit speak to my heart, and through those I know who are also in tune with His leading. At the end of all time, I just want to hear those words, “Well done, good and faithful servant! Enter into the joy of your master.” May I be profitable in His Kingdom!
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