The need for correction is a fact of life. If you’ve ever seen Fozzie Bear steering a car back and forth to the rhythm of a song and wondered how he ever got a driver’s license with the extent of his over-correction, keep in mind, Fozzie is a puppet. The rest of us need to stay in our lane and try to navigate life without the need for bumpers on either side of us. It still doesn’t always happen. That’s why there are rumble strips.
Me and Rennie. I have no idea where this was,
but I was steering like my life depended upon it.
In the Body ...
When I was four, my mother had already taught me how to read, and then I entered kindergarten. It was a good thing I knew how to read because if I had been waiting to learn that in school, I would have lagged behind the others. I couldn’t see the chalkboard. When Mrs. Kilker noticed me squinting and not paying any attention to the chalkboard, she mentioned that to my mom and soon I got my first pair of glasses.
Me in Kindergarten with my new glasses.
This was a day of great joy! What I remember is a real live “I once was blind but now I see” moment. All the way home from the optometrist’s, I read the road signs aloud to my mom. I hadn’t noticed that there even were signs with words till then. And I marveled when my new eyes showed me that trees had individual leaves, not just a green blob at the top. With my vision corrected, the world suddenly had detail, and I reveled in it.
In my sophomore year of high school I tried contact lenses, the old hard kind. My optometrist told my mom that I would do better with them than with glasses, which had already progressed to bifocals. For the most part, the contacts did well, but there were a few problems with them. One was that we lived in Arizona at the time, and if you’ve ever been in a dust storm, you may know what it’s like to get that dust in your eyes. If it gets in your eyes while you’re wearing contacts, it’s excruciating.
Another problem was that sometimes I just didn’t follow the rules. After awhile, I started cleaning them by putting them in my mouth. Fortunately, I didn’t swallow them or end up with an infection in my eyes from that. But I did have a few times that I lost one – once in the long, tough grass outside my drama classroom in Arizona; once in the bellows of my accordion while I was playing a song at the base chapel at Lackland AFB during Basic Training; and once at the bottom of a swimming pool. (Can you believe someone actually found the one at the bottom of the swimming pool?)
I broke one in half the day before Eric came to pick me up from Sheppard AFB after tech school to take me to California for our wedding, when I was showing my classmates how flexible they were. The good thing is, I was able to get new ones made extra fast by contacting my optometrist, and I had new contacts just before the wedding. My new government issue Air Force glasses were black plastic and pretty ugly, so they wouldn’t have been very nice with my wedding dress!
And I fell asleep with my contacts still in, a couple of days after Lisa was born at Chanute AFB in Illinois, and woke up with corneal abrasions in both eyes. That was solved with eye pads made from cut-up sanitary napkins taped to my face until my eyes healed. It was pretty interesting having a newborn baby and at the same time being blind and transported everywhere in a wheelchair! And the pain? I can’t remember deciding whether childbirth or corneal abrasions were more painful, but they were pretty close.
In fifth grade, another part of my body needed correction – my buck teeth. A couple of my baby teeth were pulled early and then when the adult teeth came in, they were pulled too. That made more room in my mouth, and a face bow I wore at night pushed my top incisors back in and closer together. My mouth throbbed with the pain, I couldn’t sleep well at night with the pressure on the wire from sleeping on my side pushing even more on my teeth, and my teeth felt all wobbly, but eventually the pain subsided as the teeth moved. Then the dentist would tighten things up all over again.
A few years later, a new dentist asked why I had metal rings around my back teeth and I told him about my face bow. He took them off. Mission accomplished! He wanted to talk about my bottom teeth, to which suggestion my mom blanched and related that we had already spent quite enough on my teeth.
But those bottom teeth were overcrowded too, and flossing was difficult, so I just didn’t always do it. A few years ago, my bottom incisors started loosening up, and that was actually cause for concern. When you’re in your 60s, you don’t just lose teeth and donate them to the Tooth Fairy. I didn’t want to look like Duane! I asked my dentist what causes that, and he said, rather sternly for my good-natured dentist: “Well, neglect!”
My dentist referred me to a periodontist, and the perio recommended a four-step plan for my mouth, which included some oral surgery, where he would peel off some skin from the roof of my mouth and sew it into place around my bottom incisors where the gums had receded. That would mature and take the place of my gum loss and help me not to lose my bottom teeth.
This was indeed what I needed, but unfortunately, he wasn’t licensed to be able to put me to sleep. I had to have this surgery with just a local anesthesia to numb the pain. Foolishly, I watched the whole thing from the chair, wide-eyed, from the dental assistant looking into my mouth from various angles to see if it was time to suck up my blood, to the doctor with the scalpel and the needle and thread. The thread seemed really long, and as it was pulled up past my line of vision, it was bright red with blood. Oral surgery with your eyes open is not for the faint-hearted. And nobody wanted me to post “after” pics on Facebook, either, so all that experience and money spent seemed to be for nothing. Nobody wanted to hear about it!
The instructions were to go home and eat nothing solid for a certain number of days. I went home. But of all days to be tempted with mini-wheats, it was that day. I thought I would just hold one in my mouth until it was soggy, and then it would be soft … The suture snapped, and my new skin graft sagged. I thought I could just hold the skin in place for a month or something, and it would stick, but that didn’t happen. For the most part, the operation was a success, but I didn’t follow the instructions, and there were consequences. You can still see too much of the roots of my incisors. But I haven’t lost them.
I have three takeaways from these body correction experiences: One, correction usually hurts. Two, there are rules. There are always rules. Don’t break them! And three, it’s worth the trouble.
Even Eric has related that his hearing aids (new in 2020) have helped him to hear sounds he hasn’t heard in decades – like birds singing and a creek gurgling, not to mention the fact that he can hear me better! But they amplify the train honking through Burrows if we happen to be walking close to the tracks at that time and the pain is excruciating. And sometimes his ears feel sore from the rubbing.
Sometimes the correction hurts, but it’s worth it.
… And in the Body of Christ
If you read a biography of Pastor Chuck Smith, founder of the Calvary Chapel movement, you find that he was “supposed” to be a doctor. He was already headed in that direction. But God changed his mind when he realized that you could save a man’s life as a doctor, but eventually he would still die. If you were a pastor, you could preach the Gospel, which would save a man’s soul for all of eternity.
But salvation is not all there is to the Christian life, else, as I’ve heard it said, you could simply baptize a new convert and leave them under for a little longer so they could go straight to Heaven. Instead, we all have a journey ahead of us, and we sometimes need correction.
Vivian and Andrew got me a shirt for Christmas this year, that says, “Church Raised, Full of Praise.”
Yes, that is true on both counts. Some of my Sunday School experiences were better than others. It depended on the church. Some teachings were a little watered down, and others were right on target. But there’s a description of the Good Shepherd (the Lord) in Psalm 23 that speaks of His rod and His staff. The rod is for prodding us (the sheep) in the right direction – for getting us back on track. The staff, with the hook at the end, is for dragging the sheep back from danger, and he also takes a whack at a wolf with the other end now and then. Jesus must correct us when we get off track. Going to church and hearing the Word of God are good for two things we don’t like to think about: reproof and correction.
Have you ever thought of church as a correctional facility? Or does it seem more like entertainment? I believe we in the U.S. have come to view church as a commodity or a product that we can choose over another similar one according to our individual tastes. But what if the church was meant to correct us, to lead us back to the straight and narrow?
During the days of Calvary Chapel Carroll County, we held parenting classes called “Parenting is Heart Work.” The course dealt with proactively training a child away from his or her rebellious tendencies and setting them back on the straight path, along with teaching the parents how to Biblically connect with their children. There are some basic behaviors that need to be instilled in a child, and without them, parenting is chaos. The very first one was the “come when called” rule. That one literally saves lives, as the commanding voice of the parent stops a child in his tracks at the very edge of the cliff.
Another good one was “three questions and a statement.” That one was about the parent inquiring after the facts of the case in a conflict, and then encouraging better behavior. It gave the child the tools with which he could actually mull over a situation and learn to apologize – a skill in short supply these days.
The Three Questions:
What did you do wrong?
Why was it wrong?
What could you do better?
The Statement:
Go and do better now. (Very close to Jesus’ “Go and sin no more.”)
I can tell you that I have used a form of that technique with people I’ve counseled. It often comes in handy, in recounting the facts of the case and seeing where the problem is. If “Why was it wrong?” has an answer clearly spelled out in the Scriptures, then the Scriptures themselves are doing the correcting.
“But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
~2 Tim: 3:14-17
We might wish for our Bible reading time or our church services to just be about doctrine, nothing personal. When it comes down to correction, well, that hurts! It means I need to follow the rules. It means I might get yelled at like the Basic Training Instructor did at Lackland. It means the Good Shepherd may need to yank me back in line. It also means I may need to modify my behavior, and I may even need to apologize.
Here’s what I mean. In the early days of Calvary Chapel Lafayette, back in the early 90s, our church met at the YMCA. That was handy when we needed a swimming pool for baptisms, but it was awfully hot in the summer where we met, especially for the Sunday evening service. One very hot summer day, I was very sweaty and wanted to wear as little as possible. So I put on my shorts and we went to church. I think Eric had questioned whether that was a good idea, but hey, I always had good ideas!
Well, our pastor thought there should have been more material used in the making of my shorts and he came up from behind me, strongly recommending that I go home and change. Through my furious tears, I ranted to Eric about how humiliated I was and we sat in the car while I fumed for a while. We threatened to leave the church and shot a few rounds of “Who does he think he is!?” Finally, we pulled out of the parking lot and went home, knowing the service would be over by the time we got back. Yes, my attitude was quite bad, which was far worse than my clothing. I don’t think I ever apologized, or if I did it was twenty years later or something. But I did come around, we didn’t leave the church, and I didn’t wear those shorts much anymore. Yeah, they had too little material.
This had been a problem with me for a while. I have a picture of myself with Jack, a clarinet player in California Calvary Youth Band. He must have been twice as tall as I was, or at least he weighed twice as much, and we went to a Valentine Dance together. They were holding pretend “weddings” with the drum instructor “marrying” members of the band. Jack paid the fee, picked me up rather unceremoniously, and kissed the bride. I was mortified because he had exposed what was under my short dress, and I immediately demanded a “divorce.”
Fast forward to The Well. One night, there was a grandma of one of the young ladies, who approached me and said, “I just had a talk with that girl over there. My! The clothes they wear are so indecent these days! I know you’re busy ministering, but if you don’t mind, I’m going to watch for indecent clothing and send some girls back to their homes to change.” I admired her spunk and appreciated the offer. Yes, modesty was a problem, but I had been too timid to say anything until the grandma pointed it out.
How can I get the truth across to young ladies who are oblivious as to why the guys are grinning at them? Girls, most of those guys are not thinking about how pretty your eyes or your hair or your fingernails are. And they are not thinking about how much they would like to marry you and love you as Christ loved the Church. Unfortunately, most of them are undressing you in their mind’s eye, and if you give them a head start, it’s easier to do.
So why do we parents and grandparents wait to say something? It’s likely the fear that they will take it wrong – like I did. It’s fear that they will hate us for saying it. Yes, of course they won’t like it, but like glasses and braces, correction is worth it!
Jesus said:
“Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.”
~Luke 17:3
That is followed by the famous seventy-times-seven passage. Yes, we are supposed to forgive, but we are also supposed to rebuke (reprove) if we see someone in sin.
“Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession… Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Church discipline is something that usually happens in the background and most church members are oblivious about what is happening. God meant for most of the correction to happen by approaching an individual one-on-one, talking lovingly and warning them about the danger. Gradually, as the one in sin refuses correction and hardens his heart, the correction becomes more public, and then excommunication is the last straw. Always, future repentance can lead to restoration.
Here are three cases of people engaged in the sin of living with their girlfriend before marriage that I know about – only three out of many, actually. One had a leadership role in the church. He had to be confronted according to church discipline rules. When he was, he did the right thing: he married his girlfriend.
The second was confronted and was angry for a while, and then he did the right thing and the girlfriend moved out. Then they went through premarital counseling and got married in the church. They now have a beautiful, committed marriage and several kids.
The third, being confronted, was angry and left the church, getting married within a week by the Justice of the Peace instead of going through counseling and having a church wedding. It wasn’t long before this marriage ended in divorce. Now, he’s remarried, finally having done it right, and he and his new wife have a committed marriage and several kids (mostly from previous unions).
Once, near the end of the ministry of The Well, we confronted a teenage girl who was still hanging around when it was time to close. She wanted us to go ahead and lock up, and she said she would wait at the well-lighted corner at the stoplight till her mom would come pick her up. I … noticed her clothing.
“Do you know that you will look like you are selling yourself if you wait here on the corner, especially the way you’re dressed?” She got very angry that I would say such a thing, but it was a fair warning.
A couple of years later, I saw a picture of three single moms, sitting together on a bench, showing off their babies, and one was the same girl. Those were the same ones I’d been counseling – wear decent clothes, and don’t sell yourself. This greatly saddened me, but I had to tell myself that but for the grace of God, that could have been me.
As Pastor Don McClure counseled us when Eric and I were married, you can be a “secondary virgin,” if you’ve been involved in sexual sin. How do I know this? Think about The Woman at the Well. Think about Rahab. God cares about women who’ve been used by others and then thrown away. Maybe you believe it was all your fault. I can’t judge that, but God knows all of it already anyway.
And if you have felt the Lord speaking to you about any of these issues, especially sexual sin, now’s the time to confess the sin to the Lord and seek forgiveness. There’s nothing like having a clean slate, a clear conscience, and a new beginning. Rahab, for instance, was a prostitute, a Canaanite slated for slaughter with the other residents of Jericho, for their idolatry. But she had faith in the God of Israel, acted in faith to do something heroic, and ended up being King David’s grandmother and in the ancestry of Jesus Himself.
Confess your sin, turn away from it, and receive God’s forgiveness by faith. This correction may seem hard, and it may hurt, but it is so very much worth it!
“Lord Jesus, I pray for those who may be reading this and understand for the first time that sexual activity before marriage is wrong and something that needs to be corrected. I was there and I understand. Hear their prayer, and forgive them. Rescue them, Jesus, by Your atoning sacrifice on the cross.
For it is in Your Name we pray, Amen.”
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