This is a good time to look back and be thankful, yea, even in 2020, or maybe especially in 2020. After all, this week is Thanksgiving! In fact, when our family “does” Thanksgiving, we never let the date go by without the Five Kernels of Corn ritual. we start the ritual by explaining that our plates are empty except for five popcorn kernels (to symbolize the near starvation of the Pilgrims), and then we use each kernel to remember one blessing from God. ALWAYS, I am thankful for my husband.
A few weeks ago, I was looking for supporting material for this blog, such as Eric’s love letters to me, and together we opened that Holy Spirit trunk Eric painted long ago.
I’m certain we still have them somewhere, but when we opened the trunk and sifted through the memorabilia, we only found one love letter from him to me and it was very short because he planned that the letter would reach me on the same day that I would see him. He called me "Muff" because I always wore fuzzy earmuffs.
I did find one from me to him.
Most of the stuff in the trunk was from my childhood, including awards, such as a certificate presented to me from Chaplain Hermanson for my meritorious work in the Chapel Program at Luke AFB, including the adult choir and helping in the Sunday School.
I found report cards and school pictures, baby books, yearbooks, and my old writing assignments. And, there were our military ribbons, chevrons, and dog tags.
I set aside two items that I think you will enjoy, one from my high school Sociology class and my one love letter. The first describes what I was looking for in a future mate ‒ my idea of an ideal marriage, and in the second I am considering whether Eric was “the one.” For the most part, they are unabridged and … interesting. You can decide for yourself whether you think I got what I wanted, or what I needed.
Exhibit A: My High School Paper on My Perfect Mate
(This was written in pink marker, and the teacher’s comments were like this: “I hope you keep this to bring out on your 25th Wedding Anniversary, and I hope Nameless measures up!” Also, “A pleasure to read and the humorous touches were a nice relief from the usual dead serious result.” Also, I got an A.)
Margie Atanacio
Spring of 1974
An ideal marriage is something we all, being young and mushy, try to describe and really hope to get someday; after a nice little ceremony and the exchange of vows. Of course, any nit-wit knows it’ll never happen the way we imagined and someday it’s come upon us; a drab, difficult life is suddenly replacing our dreamy fantasies.
But that’s not the point in question; it is, rather, what is my idea of the ideal? What do I dream on those days when the future seems so pleasant?
Let me describe my husband; no, I’m not supposed to tell you he’s 5’6”, built like a wrestler, with blue eyes and curly blond hair, so I won’t.
Instead, I’ll tell you about his character. The fact that he’s a growing, active Christian is a very important thing to consider. It’s what I look for first. He must not be conformed to the world; my marriage will be a Christian one.
He’s fun to be with, and his smiles are warm and sincere. His honor is important to him, and therefore, to me. He’s someone I can respect.
He’s considerate of me, not harsh or overly blunt; yet he’s open, so that we can share. He’s at least as intelligent as I am, and more mature than I am. He must have the upper hand, be able to make the important decisions; he mustn’t be too passionate, but enjoy sex the way God planned it.
He must love me, not what he can get from me; he must like children, but I refuse to give birth to a litter!
Let me tell you a little about me, now, a number of years from now, as a wife to this adorable person, Nameless.
First of all, Nameless had better not think of me as a live-in maid, a live-in babysitter, or a legal intercourse device. We’ll have to discuss this before the marriage ceremony.
And, by the way, I’m hoping Nameless is really the right one, because after the ceremony, I plan on staying with him the rest of our lives.
I also believe in such old-fashioned principals as submission to the husband, his ownership of my body, and my ownership of his. Since I submit to him, we can’t fight or bicker there; since he loves me, (See paragraph #7) his orders are for my own good.
And since Nameless and I both belong to God, Nameless is gonna be getting his orders from the Commander-in-Chief.
Now there are some freedoms I’ll requisition within the marriage; I think Nameless will be reasonable concerning most cases.
Freedom to enjoy the abundant life God has planned for me. I want Nameless to understand that he must let God have his way with me, and that I want to show God’s glory through that wonderful life, whether it means caring for small children, skydiving, or working in the Air Force for 30 years. Of course, working in the Air Force seems brighter than the small children, but God knows what’ll be best for me. (I do hope He wants me to work!)
Freedom from boredom. This almost comes under the same heading. I can relax when I realize that God’s abundant life is never boring.
Freedom from worry. This disappears in the act of casting my cares on Jesus and trusting Him to take care of them.
Freedom to teach my children in the ways of our Lord. I hope there will not be freedom of religion in our house. Our 16-year-old boy will not have the freedom to shave his head, run away, and worship Hare Krishna. But he’ll be guaranteed the right to worship Jesus Christ and God the Father in our house, and I’ll have the freedom to teach him, lovingly, from my heart.
Nameless and I will undoubtedly enjoy doing things with the family. When children are young, I’m hoping Nameless and I can sing in a church choir. (I don’t think I could take being married to a guy who can’t carry a tune in a basket. I’d become impatient. I’ve taken too much music through the years.)
As they grow older, I’d like to show them places and travel. I’m very grateful that I was not forced to spend my 17-½ years of existence cooped up in an infinitesimal corner of a state, but was able to see (so far) 30 states and a foreign country or two. It’s fun and educational. God made so much; and so few see very much of it!
When the children get older, our activities will depend on their interests. If they’re athletes, I’m sure Nameless and I could be good Little League parents. Likewise, with Band, or Scouting, or reading. We’d try to do our best to build upon their basic interests. Of course, if their interests are pornographic literature, we’d have to put a stop to it.
You see, I’d like to be, not as much a teacher to my children, as a living example. If they must be punished, I’d explain why before each time, so that they can respect me and respect the decision. They’d also be grateful if I didn’t fly off the handle and beat everybody up because they happened to be in the way. If Nameless and I exhibit Godly attributes, and show them how much fun we’re having, they have a good chance of following Jesus, too.
I want to be the kind of mother my children won’t be ashamed to introduce to their friends, in a way, as wise as my parents – looking ahead; I would not be totally based on the premise that today is all, but also seeing the effects today might have on tomorrow.
But I’d be slightly more authoritarian. Our family seems a little disorganised to me. But Nameless and I will lay down rules and consequences and stick to them. We’ll begin earlier with church and Bible stories, and try to keep all the members of the family active and growing up with God; not just learning x number of Bible stories and re-hashing them over and over again.
So now, together as a family unit, we’ll work towards a closeness and affection for each other and a greater love for God.
There’s a diagram used to explain this somehow, though love is such a difficult thought to explain.
Man and woman drawing towards each other usually doesn’t work, but when they bring each other closer to God, the gap is smaller and smaller.
Fine and Amen
So I know many of you who know me are LOL-ing because so much of that was the rambling of a 17-year-old totally unfamiliar with the real world.
Then, my mother wrote a brief paper, less than a page, and included it with my assignment. She got an A+, along with my teacher’s comment that: “What a (more) delightful world this would be if more people felt this way.” Here’s what she wrote:
Asides or comments, as you will, on an ideal marriage.
Just remember if those future children stray or your fair haired Adonis develops feet of clay, that one of Christ’s most wonderful attributes was compassion.
Never get so organized that you can’t take time to watch falling stars on a summer’s night or stop on a ride to go crab hunting along the ocean or help a child climb a tree to see in a robin’s nest.
Never be afraid to laugh with your children, even if the joke is on you. Parents sometimes become so formidable they lose touch.
Yes, God put the world here for us to enjoy. Of this I am sure. Are there not dandelions for children to blow to the wind? Kittens who chase their tails? The happy songs of birds to cheer you and the soothing rhythmic pattern of a sudden rain shower?
God blessed the union of two people in a very special way. Nothing can be so good or so bad as a marriage, but like all things, God also left it up to man to do with as he would.
Exhibit B: My Love Letter to Eric
(You may not understand all the military lingo, so I’ll put a little glossary at the end.)
December 3, 1974
Dear Eric,
I got your letter today. Needless to say, I was ecstatic. It was the first letter I’ve received at Sheppard*. I even got to open my mailbox! I was running CQ* at the time, and I stopped by the P.O. on the way back from CBPO*. Voilà!
It said to call you today. At last I could understand what the nummy* that took your message had meant. So I sweet-talked the rope* into letting me off early, only to find out you weren’t there yet. Thus, my letter. I’m sure enough gonna call tomorrow, but you can’t say a lot on the phone when you’re in a barracks* dayroom – too much noise and / or too many ears.
So let me write my reaction to your letter. This one won’t be quite as newsy as my last, which you probably have waiting in your mailbox at Kelly*.
It will be a little more … tender.
Do you always get inspired like that at 0130*? I mean, that was a beautiful letter. You’re right – you’re not a bad writer! And what’s great is, I think you mean what you wrote!
So I looked at it objectively. When you examine something like that, you realize that the writer’s thoughts are pretty heavy – talk of you being what he’s been looking for since he’s been old enough to look, or that he doesn’t intend to let you slip through his fingers. Suggestions of marriage are woven into it, too, and I thought, “What do I feel for him? And it’s hard to explain.
Maybe it’s love; I know I miss you a lot, so much that it’s like an aching inside, or an emptiness in me. My roommate couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to go to the Airmen’s Club, or anywhere but church.. She talked me into going to the Recreation Center last night, and I met a guy – but all I wanted to do was share the love of Jesus. I could’ve gone on all night, but the Lord wanted me home early so I could catch a girl at the right time and talk to her. I had a great time, but it wasn’t quite what my roommate expected. I think she has a personal problem.
I’ve gotta take off for a revival in an hour. I’ve just spent quite a while trying to call somebody to let ‘em know I wasn’t coming, but couldn’t get through. I guess the Lord wants me there.
But I haven’t explained what I feel for you. Sometimes, I feel that I’ve met the most wonderful guy in the world in you, especially when we’re singing, or when I’m reading your letter. Then, I try to be practical, and admit to myself that I don’t know if you’re the one I’d like to spend the rest of my life with.
Then I read what you said about letting you know if I don’t like what you feel. And I asked myself if that was the case, for if we were truly mismatched, a letter like yours would certainly have at least bothered me, and more than likely turned me off completely. Yet it didn’t. So I guess that says something in itself.
It’s as if I’m waiting, I think. I don’t know, and you seem so sure. I really loved getting your letter; it didn’t turn me off, but seemed to bring me closer to you. All I can say is, if you’re still so sure, and so determined, Eric, go right ahead. I’m waiting for a word from God. It may come in the form of an overseas assignment (which in itself wouldn’t really prove anything), or it may be a gradual deepening of assurance in my mind and greater love. Or, it could be a change in your mind, love (impossible though it may seem now!)
You wrote of being obedient to God, of living in God’s will. One thing I was pleasantly surprised to learn in California was that Baptists and Pentecostals agreed on that! I went to a Bible Study in the home of a lady from Joe’s church one week, and heard an almost verbatim Bible Study a few weeks later at the College Bible Study at good ol’ First Baptist Church of Lakewood. The points were these:
If the spirit feels right about it
If the circumstances are right, and
If you have a Word from God, …
Then it’s probably God’s will.
Of course, the Baptists toned it down a little:
If you’ve thought it through and it feels right
If the circumstances are right, and
If it agrees with the Bible.
They wanted to make sure you understood that #3 wasn’t about a prophecy or a vision or anything. But it still surprised me that they were so close.
Anyway, this is a good rule of thumb, I’ve found, and I want you to test this. Looking back, I can see I’m not sure, the circumstances are among the ridiculous, and neither of us have a direct Word from God, as far as I know. But it can change, so I’m just waiting …
***Here in the letter, I entered a brief tirade about the church I was attending in Wichita Falls, ending with:
Anyway, I’m disillusioned, but only with a group of people. Not with Jesus. He’s still never failed me or forsaken me! Praise the Lord!
I guess I’ll see you the 13th, then, huh? I’ll probably be on B shift and won’t be out of school till 1800*. More later …
I love you Eric. I’m waiting for you.
Love,
Margie
The next day – (Dec. 4)
Well, I was gonna mail it today, but today was somethin’ else! So, at 2335 hours*, while I’m waiting for my clothes to dry, so I can hit the sack, I’m gonna add to what I wrote yesterday, and stick another stamp on the envelope just in case.
It was so good to hear your voice again, Eric. Now, I realize that I may get to see you and talk to you before you ever see this letter. Oh well, it’s something to do.
I’m getting athlete’s foot, and the dentist today said my gums are receding. Would you still love me if I had a foot missing and false teeth? (Curious.)
Oh, and I do want to thank you for the notes on faith. I used some of them in witnessing to the dentist today! As for us, I do want each of us to strive for that type of faith – the faith to move mountains. (I’ll sit on a mountain if you move it to Indiana, okay?)
Bye again! I love you – Margie (with a flourish)
Glossary:
0130: This means 1:30 AM. Military time is a 24-hour system that starts at midnight. 1:30 PM would be 1330 (just add 12 hours). 1800 is 6:00 PM. And 2335 is 11:35 PM.
Barracks: Military dormitory
CBPO: Consolidated Base Personnel Office
CQ: Charge of Quarters
Kelly: Kelly AFB, San Antonio, Texas
Nummy: a numbskull (not military lingo)
Rope: Trainees who have been given various responsibilities over their peers and who wear a colored braid around the arm, fastened at the shoulder. The color of the rope, such as red, green, or white, tells you about their position. There is only one red rope per training squadron.
Sheppard: Sheppard AFB, Wichita Falls, Texas
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