Introduction to Mom

What is “good stock” as it pertains to a human being?  And how much does our upbringing contribute towards who we are as a person?  If we are, as many uppity scientists proclaim, only a mass of differentiated cells, then our genes have everything to do with the results.  In that case, all children of rape are likely destined to be rapists.  If we are only a “product of our environment,” then there is nothing I can do to better my life. Those theories may contribute towards the final product, but they do not figure in God.  Our lives are precious in His sight, and our circumstances are not random.  He doesn’t leave things to chance. 

I had a hard time figuring out Mom when I was a kid.  One minute, she could be really happy and fun and we would be singing songs and playing together, and the next minute, she was a roaring tiger you didn’t want to be around.  We kids didn’t really understand what she was saying when she was mad at us.  She would look like she was going to smack us and then stop and say, “Yeah, I’d duck if I were you.”  But we thought she said, “Yeah, I duck-afire you.”  We went around wishing a fiery duck to each other because it sounded so funny.

She was 5 ft. 2, eyes of blue.  Dad would call her his “Rubia,” because she had beautiful red hair and some light freckles.  He said, “Isn’t your mother beautiful?” and I would smile and certainly agree.  They danced together and taught us to appreciate both of them.  I was named after her, but she didn’t really like her name, Margaret Lee, very much.  She was named after one of her dad’s old girlfriends and her middle name, Lee, was his.  Grandpa had filled out the birth certificate without asking Grandma.

My dad was adamant that I should be named after Mom.  So I was “Margie Linda Atanacio” -- “pretty Margie.”  If you say the first two names together with a Spanish accent, like "Margilinda," it has a nice ring to it.  You just have to roll that "r" right!  I always liked “Linda” because I loved making a cursive “L.”  I liked the fact that I have an “M” on each of the palms of my hands.  But I wasn’t really fond of “Margie” by itself.  It sounded like a nickname and I always wanted a real name -- just not “Margaret.”

Mom taught us some very basic Spanish because Dad wouldn’t.  He thought it would be better to leave his former culture behind and just speak English, but Mom thought we should be able to communicate with our grandparents in Brooklyn. So we learned the first ten numbers and how to say "Do you want some coffee?" "Open the window," and "My name is Margie" in Spanish.  I know we learned "I am five years old," but I've already forgotten that one.  Mom found it very useful to know "Yo no sé," or "I don't know," when she first found herself in Brooklyn with no knowledge of Spanish to speak of, though Dad's relatives found that amusing.

Mom grew up mostly with her mother Audentia and her step-father.  His name was Harry, but everybody called him Johnny because Audentia didn’t like his name.  He was a migrant steel worker and they lived in a small trailer with Mom and her four younger half-siblings, who all slept in one bed.  I know that nowadays people call those living quarters "mobile homes," but back then that designation sounded a little too highfalutin for what they had.  

Here’s a picture of the trailer, and this is the family after Mom left home.

One of Johnny’s jobs was building houses for atomic bomb testing, out in the Nevada desert.  After the bomb had destroyed the house, he would go in with the crew and clean up the mess.  His wife washed his clothes with those of the rest of the family, and sometimes he would bring home a special treat from the last test house -- a doll for the kids!  Nobody connected the dots at the time, but the two youngest kids were born mentally challenged.  Later on, Tommy came to our house and Mom tried to teach him the Boy Scout Law, but even though I learned it when I was five and can still say it today, Tommy never got the hang of it, so he never got to be a Boy Scout.

Meanwhile, at school, Mom and all her classmates had “rad badges” on their clothes to monitor their radiation levels.  Nobody knew what radiation would do to children, but they thought they should keep track of it anyway.  In some government experiments back then, children were actually fed cereal with a little radiation sprinkled on top like sugar sprinkles.

And sometimes the residents of Las Vegas were invited to come out to the desert and sit in bleachers to watch an atomic bomb explosion.It was quite exciting, but they all wore some kind of eye protection because the blast was, in fact, pretty bright.  Nobody really thought much about future health issues -- who knew?

Audentia and Johnny drank far too much alcohol, and Audentia had “boyfriends” that came home with her from time to time.  Some of them were also a little too friendly with Mom, and since the trailer was small, it was easy to know what Audentia was doing, so Mom tried to protect the little ones as well as she could. Some of the children were beaten, too, and later, after Mom was gone, the littlest sister, Nancy, would take her own life.

The situation was not good, but Mom only wished she could have lived with her father, Lee Roy Ware Jr., instead.  He was rich and important and lived in a nice house with a pool!  He was the first mayor of Hawaiian Gardens, California, an upstanding Christian, and an elder and Sunday School teacher in his church.  Mom would often tell me how sad she was, growing up, because she knew her father loved her, but her stepmother, Pearl, didn’t want her there.  Pearl had her own daughter, who came with the deal when Lee re-married. 

Mom told me that her stepmother was a prude who didn’t let Grandpa make love to her.  It made me sad to hear that, but I’m not sure why she told me, or how she even knew!  Of course, in my playbook, Grandma Pearl shouldn’t be there.  Grandpa Ware was supposed to still be married to Grandma Audentia.  Then the world would be right, for Grandpa Ware was golden ...

Mom was very smart, though, and even though she moved around from school to school, she kept up with her studies, graduating at the top of her class from Las Vegas High School in 1955 at the age of 17. Her mother and Johnny didn’t usually attend her spelling bees, choir concerts, graduation ceremonies, and such.  The day she graduated, she got home to find the trailer missing.  Her family had moved to a new job and left her a note saying they’d come back for her later. 

From the time Mom was eight years old, Grandpa Ware had put money for her higher education in a special fund.  So Mom, now graduated, was ready to head off to nursing school.  Unfortunately, to her dismay, she found out that the money was gone.  It could have gone to bills, meals, or gas to get from one job to the next, but Mom said her mother “drank it” and that was plausible, too.

She wouldn’t be 18 till February of 1956, but Mom was desperate to get out, so she formulated a plan.  She picked a fight with her mother until she said the magic words, “JUST GET OUT!”  With all the money she had, Mom bought a bus ticket to Brooklyn, NY, to try to find a certain handsome young airman she’d met in church while he was stationed at Nellis AFB, in Nevada. She knew from his letters that he was back in the States after a tour in Saudi Arabia. 

Her half-siblings felt abandoned, but Mom was ready for a new adventure, and a new and better life. Yes, Mom was impulsive, and if that sounds like a long shot, remember she was from Las Vegas.  But since she met my future dad in church, she was depending on God to work this out for good. 

Personally, I am amazed at my mother's "leap of faith." And I have to say, if she hadn't gambled on God and His promises -- a "sure bet" -- well, I would never have been unleashed upon the world. Here are a few of those promises of God:

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?

If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.

If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me," Even the night shall be light about me;

Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

    ~Psalm 139:7-12 (NKJV)

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

    ~Romans 8:28 (NKJV)